Why Am I So Tired? My Journey From Exhausted To Energized and The Playbook I Wish I’d Had.
I still remember the morning I sat in my car in the hospital parking lot with a lukewarm coffee and a pounding heart, watching the minutes tick past the start of my shift. I was 20 minutes late and couldn’t convince my body to open the door.
“How can I be this tired?” I whispered. “What is wrong with me?”
At 42, I was a nurse leader, educator, wife, and friend—the one who got things done. But I was dragging myself through days that felt like wet cement. Sleep didn’t help. Weekends didn’t help. Vacations didn’t help. This wasn’t “busy-woman tired.” This was bone-deep exhaustion that made me forget words mid-sentence and cry in the shower so my family wouldn’t hear.
If you’ve been up at 2 a.m. Googling why am I so tired all the time?, this is for you. I want to tell you what I learned, what actually moved the needle, and the path I now use to help other women get their energy—and their lives—back.
When Tired Became My New Normal
It snuck up on me:
Needing two…then four coffees just to feel human.
Hitting a brick wall around 3 p.m. every day.
Cancelling plans because “I need to recharge.”
Snapping at people I love, then feeling guilty and more exhausted.
I finally went to my doctor. Basic labs. A quick glance at the screen. “You’re fine. Probably stress. Try more sleep and exercise.”
I wanted to be relieved. Instead, I felt invisible. I knew this was more than stress. But I did what many women do: I tried to push harder. Spoiler: pushing harder didn’t work.
The Turning Point: I Started Treating Myself Like a Patient I Love
Six months later, sweating through pajamas at 3 a.m., I’d had enough. I started a symptom journal like I tell my own patients to do. I tracked:
Sleep quality and night sweats
Cycle changes and mood
Food, caffeine, and crashes
Energy patterns across the day
Patterns emerged. And with them, a decision: I needed a provider who listened. I found a women’s health clinician who took a complete history and ordered comprehensive labs.
In one appointment, she said the words that reframed everything:
“Based on your symptoms and cycle changes, this looks like perimenopause—with thyroid and cortisol in the mix.”
I wasn’t “too young.” I was in transition—and my hormones were having a loud, messy conversation with the rest of my body.
What We Found (and Why It Mattered)
Estrogen roller-coaster + dropping progesterone → poor sleep, hot flashes, mood waves.
Cortisol rhythm flipped → wired at night, flat in the morning.
Thyroid “normal but not optimal” → cold, slow, foggy.
Nutrients:
Low vitamin D, low-normal B12, low ferritin (iron stores), low magnesium.
Translation: my cells were trying to build energy with not enough raw materials.
Sleep:
Mild sleep apnea + disrupted deep sleep. I wasn’t getting the restorative stages that repair and recharge.
Blood Sugar:
Insulin resistance creeping in + reactive drops after meals → afternoon crashes and cravings.
Stress/Burnout:
Years of “be everything to everyone” had my nervous system stuck in fight-or-flight.
It wasn’t one thing. It was everything. And that’s why the “sleep more and exercise” prescription didn’t touch it.
What Actually Worked (Month by Month)
No magic bullet—just strategic stacking. Within six months, I felt better than I had in years.
Month 1: Build the Foundation
Sleep became non-negotiable.
Started CPAP for mild apnea. Two weeks later, I woke up feeling genuinely rested for the first time in forever.
Sleep hygiene: dark, cool room; consistent schedule; no screens after 9 p.m.; magnesium glycinate at night.
Stabilize blood sugar.
30g protein within 60 minutes of waking.
Protein + fiber + healthy fat at each meal.
Goodbye “coffee for breakfast.”
Result: no more 3 p.m. collapse.
Months 2–3: Replenish What’s Missing
Targeted supplements (medically guided):
Vitamin D, B-complex, iron (to rebuild ferritin), magnesium, omega-3s.
How it felt: brain fog lifted; mood steadied; fewer aches; more consistent energy.
Thyroid optimization:
Low-dose medication even though labs were “normal.”
Win: less morning sludge, warmer hands/feet, hair shedding slowed, metabolism felt “on” again.
Months 4–5: Balance Hormones
Perimenopause protocol:
Bioidentical progesterone at night (sweet, glorious sleep).
Low-dose estrogen patch with monitoring.
Result: night sweats cooled down; mood steadier; focus sharper; energy…back.
Month 6: Protect the Gains
Nervous system reset:
Therapy for boundaries and people-pleasing.
10 minutes of daily stillness (breathwork/meditation).
Saying no without writing a dissertation of apologies.
Asking for help (the bravest act of self-care I know).
Movement that nourishes, not punishes:
Morning walks, two sessions of strength training a week, one yoga day, guilt-free rest.
The Framework I Use Now with Clients
Think of your energy like a four-legged table. If one leg is wobbly, everything tips.
Hormones: perimenopause/menopause, thyroid, cortisol
Sleep: quality, quantity, apnea, nighttime awakenings
Fuel: protein, key micronutrients (iron, B12, D, magnesium), hydration
Nervous System: stress load, boundaries, recovery time
Address all four—simply, steadily—and your energy has something solid to stand on.
Start Here: A Simple 14-Day Reset
Days 1–3: Sleep First
Set a consistent bedtime/wake time.
Cool, dark room; no screens one hour before bed.
Magnesium glycinate 1–2 hrs before sleep (if appropriate for you).
If snoring or gasping is an issue, talk to your provider about a sleep study.
Days 4–7: Protein + Plate
30g protein at breakfast; 20–30g at lunch/dinner.
Build plates with: protein + fiber (veg/beans) + healthy fat + complex carbs.
Two liters of water by 6 p.m.
Days 8–10: Nervous System Nurture
Choose one daily: 10 minutes of breathwork, a quiet walk without your phone, or a body scan.
Say no to one draining commitment. (Practice out loud: “Thanks for thinking of me; I can’t take that on right now.”)
Days 11–14: Gentle Strength
Two short strength sessions (20–30 minutes). Focus on big moves: squat, hinge, push, pull.
One yoga or stretch session.
One total rest day.
If you’re already thinking “I can’t do all of that,” pick one piece and start. Energy comes back in layers.
Smart Testing to Discuss with Your Provider
Thyroid: TSH, Free T4, Free T3, thyroid antibodies if indicated
Iron Panel: ferritin, iron, TIBC
Vitamins/Minerals: B12, vitamin D, magnesium (RBC if available)
Metabolic: fasting glucose, insulin, A1c, lipid panel
Hormones: estradiol, progesterone, testosterone (timed to cycle if pre-menopausal)
Inflammation: hs-CRP
Sleep: screening for apnea if snoring, waking unrefreshed, or daytime sleepiness
“Normal” does not always mean optimal. If you still feel awful, keep asking questions.
What I Wish Someone Had Told Me
Your fatigue is real. You’re not lazy and you’re not imagining it.
It’s rarely one thing. Expect a few puzzle pieces, not a single fix.
Perimenopause is powerful. It can start earlier than you think and it touches everything.
Recovery is possible—and gradual. Small wins compound. Give them time.
You’re allowed to need help. Self-care is not a solo sport.
From the Other Side
I’m 43 now and I wake up rested most days. I think clearly. I laugh more. I say no faster. I move my body because I want to feel strong, not because I’m punishing it. I still love coffee—but I don’t need it to function.
That woman crying in the parked car? I love her. She asked better questions. She told the truth about how bad it had gotten. She chose to be on her own care team. And that changed everything.
If you’re there right now, hear me: you can get your life back. Your energy has a cause. Your relief has a path. And you don’t have to do it alone.
Ready for Your Next Step?
Take my free “Why Am I So Tired?” self-assessment to spot your most likely root causes and get a personalized next-steps checklist you can bring to your provider.
You don’t have to live exhausted. Let’s figure this out—together.
About the Author
Dr. Melanie Gray is a confidence and wellness coach who helps exhausted, high-achieving women reclaim their energy, balance their hormones, and build unshakeable confidence. After walking through her own season of chronic fatigue and burnout, she’s on a mission to make sure other women don’t suffer in silence or settle for “you’re fine” when they know they aren’t.
